It was June 29th. I don't think I will ever forget that day. I headed to the hospital that day feeling pretty good. Nathan had a good weekend so I was confident that it would be another good day. When I got into the unit I knew that wasn't going to be the case. Nathan was desating....a lot. Now, back when he had his first ET tube (the smaller one), this wasn't an uncommon occurrence but he was doing it more frequently that morning and not recovering nearly as fast. The day was spent adjusting vent settings and trying to keep his oxygen saturation in a good place. Unfortunately, nothing was working. He kept dipping down lower and lower. Around 5:30 or so, Dr. C decided that he needed to be reintubated with a larger tube. He had originally not wanted to do this because it could cause more bleeding problems but he was left with no other option at this point. I reached down and kissed Nathan as we got ready to step out of the room. He looked up at me with a painfully strangled look on his face and I was almost positive we were going to lose him there. Then Steph and I stepped out to give them room to work. Dr. C, Karyn, Becca and Susi were all around Nathan's bed to do this procedure. Because of the number of folks around his bed, it was impossible to see Nathan. All I could really see was his vitals monitor. I stood there holding Steph and slowly watched as his heart rate dropped further and further. I felt so helpless. Steph and I were crying and I just kept repeating "Father, please, let me take his place."
He's My Son - Mark Schultz
I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes
CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son
Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there
CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son
Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son
Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there
CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son
Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son
8 comments:
I already loved that song alot...but now I will love it even more knowing how it touched you! Kyle, I am praying as hard as a person can pray! Your family is very dear to me. Let me know if you or Steph need ANYTHING!! Austin and I are only a few minutes away.
Kyle & Steph,
This is Lori Warren, in San Angelo. I have been keeping up with you and your boys since your blog first was posted on Johnson St.'s prayer list. I have prayed for you many times and used your prayer pager. After reading your latest entry about your connection to the song "He's My Son", I had to write you a note here. I can only imagine what you two have been through these last few months, but reading your entry about how your felt that night watching Nathan struggle really touched my heart. I just feel that God blessed your precious little boys with two of the best parents ever. I will continue to pray for your family. Please know that you are loved in San Angelo TX. May God continue to hold you up and strengthen you.
In Him,
Lori Warren
what a special blog! Very touching!!
Thanks so very much for allowing me to be a part of your journey. What a work God is doing in and for each of the 4 of you!
Love, admiration, respect, and hugs to you!
Just wanted to let you know that we too have been keeping up with your blog and are praying for Nathan and your family. We wish we were still in Lubbock so that we could be more of a support for you guys, but just know that we are thinking about you and praying for you. Your boys are both precious... Keep running hard after Jesus.
Much love,
Kyla
I've heard that song before & even though I've never walked in your shoes it is still very touching! Praying hard for you all!
I thought of you guys one night when I heard that song after the twins were born. ...I too had tears streaming down my face.
Stephanie and Kyle,
We have been constantly praying for Nathan and for all of you. It's very clear that you rely on each other and on God because of the strength, hope and honesty we read in you blogs. How lucky both of your sweet baby boys are to have you as parents! We hope you feel the love that is sent your way each and every day.
The Ysasagas
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