He's My Son

I just wanted to share another song that has really touched me lately. I remember very vividly the first time I heard this song. I was leaving the hospital late one evening. I was feeling anxious about Nathan and his condition that evening. I knew Steph was in bed by that point so I called a close friend of ours. We talked for a bit and then prayed over the phone. As we hung up, I turned the radio up and this song was on. It hit me hard. I had to pull over because tears were streaming down my face. You see, not a week earlier I had been praying the exact same thing.

It was June 29th. I don't think I will ever forget that day. I headed to the hospital that day feeling pretty good. Nathan had a good weekend so I was confident that it would be another good day. When I got into the unit I knew that wasn't going to be the case. Nathan was desating....a lot. Now, back when he had his first ET tube (the smaller one), this wasn't an uncommon occurrence but he was doing it more frequently that morning and not recovering nearly as fast. The day was spent adjusting vent settings and trying to keep his oxygen saturation in a good place. Unfortunately, nothing was working. He kept dipping down lower and lower. Around 5:30 or so, Dr. C decided that he needed to be reintubated with a larger tube. He had originally not wanted to do this because it could cause more bleeding problems but he was left with no other option at this point. I reached down and kissed Nathan as we got ready to step out of the room. He looked up at me with a painfully strangled look on his face and I was almost positive we were going to lose him there. Then Steph and I stepped out to give them room to work. Dr. C, Karyn, Becca and Susi were all around Nathan's bed to do this procedure. Because of the number of folks around his bed, it was impossible to see Nathan. All I could really see was his vitals monitor. I stood there holding Steph and slowly watched as his heart rate dropped further and further. I felt so helpless. Steph and I were crying and I just kept repeating "Father, please, let me take his place."

He's My Son - Mark Schultz

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there

CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son

Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son